Necessity

A lot has been going on since the last post.

Relationships have come and gone, as have a few job opportunities. I persevere through the tumult with the single realization: I must write. It has to happen.

There have been times when I've taken a break from the blog. Sometimes it's hard to write in other mediums when I'm not doing it for my profession. But living in the past in any way for any reason isn't good, let alone when it's related to the preservation of my future.

I make no promises, but I know how important this is to me. It's up to me invest in things I care about.

It's time.

I Lost My Marbles

I lost my marbles today.

That's actually not true. A more correct statement would be that I ran out of marbles today. In January, after having decided this year would be the one in which I finally ended my battle with my weight, I wanted to add a visual motivator. So, I bought a bunch of marbles from Hobby Lobby, actually way more than my goal at the time. I wanted to lose 40 lbs. In 2007, I lost 60 and then gained 30 of it back over the course of time. Life got in the way of me getting down to my actual goal. I'd gotten close and then relaxed and it felt pretty far away at times, even though I've consistently gone to the gym since having finished with football.

Well, as the weight came off, more and more of me wanted to just keep going once I'd actually get to my stated goal. The plan was to tell people one number and secretly just keep on going until I ran out of marbles to put in my vase. Though I knew I was approaching that day, I didn't realize I was this close. It caught me off-guard upon realizing.

Weighed in after cardio this morning: 60 lbs down from the beginning of this year. My body isn't where I want it to be quite yet, but it feels great to know I've accomplished something that has hovered over me like the moon over the Earth. Whether day or night, even if I wasn't conscious of it, it was there. I've been big since I was about 8 years old. Now it's time to just be me.

The weight loss has been part of a much larger initiative, which I'll get into on another date. (Me posting more is also part of it.) Cheers to those who chase their dreams, live courageously and fight the enemy every chance they get.

One Step at a Time

I'm usually pretty conscious about where I put my feet around my shower. God decided to bless me with some rather large feet and so ever since I've had size 15s, I've had to be careful about stepping in and out of the shower. One false step and I could be tumbling into or out of the tub basin.

That's why Sunday morning was so strange. I have never purposely kicked something as hard as I accidentally kicked the little metal tracking at the bottom of the shower door. I'm talking Claire Huxtable stubbed toe don't touch it! don't touch it! kind of pain. I thought for sure it was broken.

I limped around my room and got ready for work, which specializes in finding ways to make my feet hurt on normal days, let alone when I've driven my left foot into something so hard that I have to bite a towel to keep from screaming. The first two hours were just brutal. Shooting pain, difficulty maintaining my balance both standing and walking. My mind began to wander to how much it was going to cost me to miss work days while the walking boot was on my foot.

But then something strange happened. As the day wore on, I realized the pain had diminished. My efforts to change my gait worked so well that I no longer felt any pain. Sure, there were the occasional missteps, but for the most part, it was successful.

It seems I'm like that in general. I've made my share of missteps and stubbed my toe, but sooner or later, I figure out a way to eliminate the pain. We're all like that, really. Well, most of us anyway. Mind, body and soul, we are adaptable. We find a way.

The last few years have been littered with obstacles thrown in front of me and -- if I'm being honest with myself -- me creating my own impediments. But here I am, finding a way. I'm not sure what the next step is, but I can be sure that even if I stub my toe so bad that it more closely resembles an eggplant than a digit, I'll be just fine. I will find a way.

God bless the perseverant.

Ugh...

a rant for a second about the NBA lockout:

the owners are saying they'll go no higher than 50/50, but that's only for the Basketball-Related Income (BRI), which is the only money from which the players get paid. but the OWNERS still make money off the luxury boxes, and the additional rake from concessions and every other use for the arena, none of which the players get any share. so the players SHOULD get more than 50% because they're more than equally important to the success of the league.

it's not the owners who are exciting the fans, it's the owners who are willfully overpaying Sam Dalembert and Charlie Villanueva. it's not the players' fault the owners are idiots. they shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistakes. it's ridiculous and befuddles me. if someone hires you and is willing to pay you a certain amount and the reserve from which they're paying you is only a fraction of the total amount of money they're making, wouldn't it make more sense to analyze the way the other fractions are being spent?

they should recognize the country's economic struggles and LOWER TICKET PRICES. then more butts are in the seats AND more money comes in. would you rather have one $10 or three $5's? it's simple, but the owners are too greedy to make a prudent decision that might, oh, SAVE their franchise because they're too afraid that people still won't show if the cost goes down. but the fans aren't going because they can't afford the freaking tickets, not because of disinterest, as evidenced by all the high TV ratings last season. those ratings, btw, were because of all the new PLAYER news, not because Mark Cuban was wearing a new extra medium tee or because Jim Dolan got some new Just For Men for his goatee.

i don't care if his beard is weird. i don't care how involved Cuban gets during the games. i watch to see the players and no one else. more than any other sport, they are the reasons people watch, the characters in the drama, exposed for all to see.

yes, the players are going to make a lot of money regardless. but, if you offered to give up about $160 million in negotiations, wouldn't you want the other side of the table to at least try to meet you some where in the middle of those concessions?

It's Not About You

I'm a pretty resilient guy. It's not like I've had the worst life, but I haven't exactly been prancing through meadows either. It's hard sometimes -- especially when you're in the midst of the storm -- to make yourself available for others, but I know it's something that must happen and something which can help you find the freedom of healing. The last week and a half have been a classic example of that. I've been forced out of a place where I can digest my own happenings and have to make sure that others can do what needs to be done.

It would be nice to have some time for myself, but maybe this is where that's going to have to happen.

Almost

So close to a dream, I can almost touch it.
I've just got to reach out and grab it.
No slippery fingers this time.

Foundation

Everything can change in a matter of days. Most things we think are constants can vanish in seconds. The only true constant is the One who makes these things happen.

He is everlasting.

No amount of Earthly fluctuation can alter that.

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

- Matthew 7: 24-25

He is the rock that keeps things steady in the midst of the storm.