On The Road

Something about traveling stokes the embers of my soul like very few things do.

It's not even being in the new place, I know that much. I enjoy the packing, driving to the airport, getting the ticket, going through the security checks (ok, well maybe not that part of it), putting my clothes back on from the TSA strip search if I have a beard that trip, walking to the gate, sitting at the gate, sitting at the gate some more, getting on the flight, adjusting my knees to a comfortable area so they aren't pressed up against the seat in front of me when the person in said occupied seat leans back (they ALWAYS do), turning my headphones back on after the plane is in the air, watching the the little sim cities go by on the way to the destination, anticipating the landing, thanking God for a safe landing, waiting for the masses to exit the plane, walking out into a new city I've never seen before and walking around the terminal wondering just how many different places all these people are from.

I love the act of traveling more than actually being in the new place. It's strange. The best part of traveling with my football team back in college was the actual traveling. I mean, sure, the game was fun and winning was definitely nice. But it was the traveling that got me going.

Maybe I should do it more often.
That'd be nice.

Just a few things I'm thinking about...

Am I less of a man because I happen to enjoy Sex and the City?

I have body hair, a deep voice, fairly large hands and played football for 11 years of my life, does that offset knowing who Aidan is and feeling his pain?

The wedding for one of my best friends is in a little more than a month.

I couldn't be happier about that.

Unfortunately, I'm unemployed and don't really have money for their gift. Maybe I'll get them a ladel or silverware set or something.

After talking with a couple friends about my Top 5 Women Over 35 Who Still Rock My Socks, I thought I might have missed a couple of ladies who should not be left off the list: Persia White and amazing, indominable Lisa Bonet. Yes, please. Now, while Persia isn't yet 35 (still just 31! She's within bonafide striking distance), she's disqualified from the running. If she was 35, though, she'd supplant somebody...possibly Salma. Heresy, I know. Lovely Lisa, however, just turned 40(!) last year, so she's gotta find a spot on the list. So, I thought about it for a bit and Lisa -- who is probably the reason I like the ladies that I like -- moves all the way up to No. 2, bumping Halle to third and Salma out of the Top 5. Sad times, but it had to be done. No way I can leave out the lady who has shaped my dating tastes. Cheers!

A Quickie

I love You, Lord.

I trust You with my life and the decisions within them. I trust that you will guide me and give me the right direction to make the choices You would have me make. It is by Your will that I strive to live my life, not by mine.

I pray that in these upcoming days, weeks, months and years that I make my choices according to Your plan for my life, even though I have no clue what that specifically is at this point in my life. You do not make mistakes. I trust You completely and will go wherever you want me to go, regardless of where I want to be.

Thank You, Lord, for life.
Thank You for all of the blessings you have given me.

Your will be done in my life.

To No Avail

So, I went to Vail yesterday.

You know, the one in Colorado that single-handedly boosts the state's economy by 60% during the winter because of all the rich people spending way too much money on ski-related merchandise.

The one that hosts a film festival.

The one with seemingly zero homes under a million-dollar price tag.

Yea, I was there yesterday. Well, really, I passed through Vail on my way to Edwards, "a city so small, it isn't even a city," where I interviewed for a job to be a copy editor for a start-up newspaper. It's owned by a guy who's had a history of flipping papers like someone would flip a low-priced, recently-foreclosed home for profit. He seemed like a nice enough man, very affable. He has a convincing grin that makes it easy to see how he's been able to win people over throughout the years. Also there was the first person he hired for the new paper, the managing editor who would also write and design some pages.

After a few hours of talking with the two -- and having them tell me more than a couple times that I was right for the job -- I got the sense that these two were good guys, but that was about it. Cutting corners seems just a little too acceptable, typos taken a little too cavalier. I just don't know that I trust the situation...or the ethical standards being discussed. I told them I needed the weekend to think about it, but after discussing with my friends and family, I think my mind is already made up.

So, despite the AMAZING homes (that I'd only really have as eye candy), one of which actually had an observatory telescope coming up out of the roof, and the strong wind gusts that didn't have any dust in them to make me sneeze or get in my eyes, and the way the sun gave the not-yet-completely-melted snow a pearlescent glow, I don't know that my conscience or my good logical mind will allow me -- even in my current pseudo-desperate times -- to accept it.

Looks like I'm staying in Southern California...for now.
My mom thinks "the next step," something I've been pondering about way before I was laid off, is closer than she thought it was a while ago. I agree with her.

The Best List Ever Made

In honor of my good friend Holly, I'm going to do a nice little list. Since she's marrying one of my two best friends in just over a month (crazy!), I figure it's a good time...although my list might not be as, umm, effeminite. :o)

but yea...my Top Five Actresses Over 35 and Still Rocking My Socks*:

1. Jada Pinkett-Smith
2. Halle Berry
3. Nia Long
4. Julia Louis Dreyfus
5. Salma Hayek

*If I'd chosen to wait a little later in the year, Tyra Banks would most DEFINITELY be on this list, but she doesn't turn 35 until December and I'm not waiting.

anyone got a blunt object?

this is going to be short because i'm pretty tired and i promised the next blog would be a happy, uplifting one and this definitely isn't that.

(btw, who am i promising? i'm pretty sure NOBODY reads these things. well, maybe some people hired by the bush administration because once i voted for al gore in the 2000 election, all of a sudden my voter registration was revoked and i had to do it again. coincidence? i don't know...)

i don't have love figured out by any means. sure, i can give advice, but when it comes to my own love life -- or just relationship life, i guess -- i'm like a tadpole trying to swim in the deep end, just floundering about, trying to touch the bottom so i don't drown.

i can't get her out of my head.
i keep trying.
NOTHING is working.
not that i really want to forget her or anything that happened, but in order to remain a sane individual, it's best that i try to. i hope someone understands that and that i'm not mad already.

if i had my way...well, i'm not going to say what would be different. but things would be different.

i could use some good news

so...yet another possible employer let me know that despite my "great qualifications" and "immense potential" and "obvious skill," i wasn't quite good enough to work for them. it's funny how often i've heard that in this whole process. not really funny "ha-ha," but funny interesting that kinda leaves you wondering if you'll ever be good enough. it's the fourth or fifth place to let me know they loved me...just not enough to hire me. good times.

it follows along a nice little pattern that i'd rather not discuss. so yes...

it seems i only use this blog for bad times. my other one gets much more love. neglect is never good. i'll try to redeem myself and much like my good friend (and best friend's fiance) holly snyder, be more entertaining. my dronings are enough to give someone a personality disorder.

oh! one good thing...i'm going to the dodgers game on wednesday! let's hope it doesn't get rained out. there's a system supposedly coming through that day.