It's hard for me to put myself "out there" romantically.
Not that I've never done it or anything. It's just...it always seems like when I really try to extend myself and let a girl know how I feel about her, it always ends up with me picking up the pieces.
It's enough to dent a guy's confidence. Don't get me wrong; I know exactly what I'm worth as far as a potential spouse and all that. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good guy and will be a great husband if that situation ever presents itself. But, come on...
Ever since I was a young buck, I've tried to woo the lady. Whether it was love notes in 5th grade on Valentine's Day or poems in college, I've kept coming up dry.
And yet, I find myself, once again on the ledge. Ready to leap.
Happy Valentine's Day everybody.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Saboteur
(Soooo...that was a little longer "tomorrow" than I'd anticipated. Oops.)
My dating history is like one cautionary tale after another. That's not to say these ladies are bad people or whatever, but just aren't right with/for me. Most of them I've known -- on some level -- from the beginning.
In thinking about all this, I think I've really gotten down to the true root of it, but that's a little too personal for a public blog, so if you'd like to know you can ask. But I do believe I've nailed it down. I hope that it leads to meaningful growth with or without someone.
My dating history is like one cautionary tale after another. That's not to say these ladies are bad people or whatever, but just aren't right with/for me. Most of them I've known -- on some level -- from the beginning.
In thinking about all this, I think I've really gotten down to the true root of it, but that's a little too personal for a public blog, so if you'd like to know you can ask. But I do believe I've nailed it down. I hope that it leads to meaningful growth with or without someone.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Revelation
I've been rattling something around in my head for the last few days and it's too late to give the full hypothesis right now, so I'll just leave it by saying this...
I sabotage my own relationships.
More on this soon, most likely tomorrow.
I sabotage my own relationships.
More on this soon, most likely tomorrow.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Amazing
Ever since my best friend Ryan* met his now wife Holly, my other best friend Josh and I have had a code for saying that a girl was marriage material.
After Ryan and Holly had been dating for a little while, he mentioned to us how she was amaaaaaazing. He might as well have been exhaling while he said it because we could just tell he was gone. He may not have told her he loved her for a bit after that and he may not have even known he did at the time, but it was pretty clear his heart was wrapped up in all things Holly.
So now, whenever we hear that one of us is seeing someone, we always ask the question:
But is she amaaaaazing?
More often than not, the answer comes back with a no. Since neither of us are in a relationship with marriage potential, I guess it's more than "more often than not." But it helps give us a guideline to go by. We could see the look in Ryan's eye, so now we actually know what it looks like. Artwork is much easier with a template as a guide.
As we get older and our friends have their own families with wives and kids and mortgages, it becomes more glaringly obvious that we don't have those things. I always thought once one of us got married, there would be palpable pressure on the other two. While it has been a learning experience at times adjusting to someone who has a different set of priorities now, it's also been much easier than previously thought to simply include Holly into our activities. And we've been blessed by her presence. Ryan knew what he was talking about. She is amazing.
But if ever there are times when there is a little pressure, maybe from parents or other friends, it helps to have someone in the same boat. A couple nights ago, we were talking about the difference between the ladies we normally go after versus the ones who'd be best for us. I mentioned how we shouldn't go into any situation knowing something would have to change for it to work out. Compatibility is hard enough without adding elements to the obstacle course.
It's easier to find a rose in a rose garden than in the desert. And if you look in the right place, who knows...might even find and amazing one.
*Ryan and Holly happen to be in Lebanon right now, doing some great things for a wonderful organization. No matter where they go next, I'm sure they'll leave their marks.
After Ryan and Holly had been dating for a little while, he mentioned to us how she was amaaaaaazing. He might as well have been exhaling while he said it because we could just tell he was gone. He may not have told her he loved her for a bit after that and he may not have even known he did at the time, but it was pretty clear his heart was wrapped up in all things Holly.
So now, whenever we hear that one of us is seeing someone, we always ask the question:
But is she amaaaaazing?
More often than not, the answer comes back with a no. Since neither of us are in a relationship with marriage potential, I guess it's more than "more often than not." But it helps give us a guideline to go by. We could see the look in Ryan's eye, so now we actually know what it looks like. Artwork is much easier with a template as a guide.
As we get older and our friends have their own families with wives and kids and mortgages, it becomes more glaringly obvious that we don't have those things. I always thought once one of us got married, there would be palpable pressure on the other two. While it has been a learning experience at times adjusting to someone who has a different set of priorities now, it's also been much easier than previously thought to simply include Holly into our activities. And we've been blessed by her presence. Ryan knew what he was talking about. She is amazing.
But if ever there are times when there is a little pressure, maybe from parents or other friends, it helps to have someone in the same boat. A couple nights ago, we were talking about the difference between the ladies we normally go after versus the ones who'd be best for us. I mentioned how we shouldn't go into any situation knowing something would have to change for it to work out. Compatibility is hard enough without adding elements to the obstacle course.
It's easier to find a rose in a rose garden than in the desert. And if you look in the right place, who knows...might even find and amazing one.
*Ryan and Holly happen to be in Lebanon right now, doing some great things for a wonderful organization. No matter where they go next, I'm sure they'll leave their marks.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Romancing The Love
So, what is this silly thing called love?
Recently, I've had discussions with plenty of people on the subject. I'm what can probably be called a classic romantic. I like to do things for the lady I'm involved with or like and enjoy the wooing process. I guess you could call it courting, but I'm not sure that term has been actively used in the last 50 years. Most of my conversations -- all, in fact -- came with people who do not consider themselves "romantic" by any means. They'd prefer to call themselves "realistic."
Now, this I have a hard time understanding. Since when does being romantic somehow absolve the ability to be realistic? I'd like to think of myself as a pretty logical guy. When people come to me with problems or matters of the heart, I'm usually going to break it down logically before I do anything else. It is also true, though, that I don't always follow my own advice. Either way, I don't see how being romantic and realistic have to be mutually exclusive.
Not all reality is loving, but love is real, no?
Exactly.
But here's where it starts to get tricky...
I was talking to my mentor about things related to this and he completely separated romance from love. "Romance comes and goes," he explained, "but love is built over time and endures through time, if properly worked on. " He went on, saying, "Marriages built on romantic feelings alone will quickly die. Those feelings don't last. That isn't love; it takes hard work."
Now, I know there's a difference between romance and love, but I'd never heard the contrast being made so sternly before. I've heard couples who've been married for longer than I've been alive say that the key to maintaining their marriage has been the fact that they never let the romance die, that they still do those little things to let the other person know they love each other.
I've also heard of couples who don't do any of those "special" things and still manage to make it together for decades. I guess they've had to work on it a little more.
Love should be a verb, not a noun, I know this.
But there's also something about it that makes it so special that everyone on this Earth looks for it. Think about that...everyone. Whether they admit it or not or even realize it or not. Sure, it manifests itself in other ways for some, but it all comes down to one little four-letter word.
I believe in love as a force. I believe that it can transcend time and age and distance. I do believe in soulmates, that there are those people out there meant for us and if we follow His plan, we'll find them. Or they'll find us. Or we'll find each other...however you want to say it.
It may be an old-school thought process, but I've seen it first-hand with Ryan and Holly (even if he doesn't believe in souls). I knew from very early on with them that they were getting married. God knows when and where and how and the other W's in the equation. I guess it's just up to us to trust Him and let the love -- with or without romance -- flow freely.
Recently, I've had discussions with plenty of people on the subject. I'm what can probably be called a classic romantic. I like to do things for the lady I'm involved with or like and enjoy the wooing process. I guess you could call it courting, but I'm not sure that term has been actively used in the last 50 years. Most of my conversations -- all, in fact -- came with people who do not consider themselves "romantic" by any means. They'd prefer to call themselves "realistic."
Now, this I have a hard time understanding. Since when does being romantic somehow absolve the ability to be realistic? I'd like to think of myself as a pretty logical guy. When people come to me with problems or matters of the heart, I'm usually going to break it down logically before I do anything else. It is also true, though, that I don't always follow my own advice. Either way, I don't see how being romantic and realistic have to be mutually exclusive.
Not all reality is loving, but love is real, no?
Exactly.
But here's where it starts to get tricky...
I was talking to my mentor about things related to this and he completely separated romance from love. "Romance comes and goes," he explained, "but love is built over time and endures through time, if properly worked on. " He went on, saying, "Marriages built on romantic feelings alone will quickly die. Those feelings don't last. That isn't love; it takes hard work."
Now, I know there's a difference between romance and love, but I'd never heard the contrast being made so sternly before. I've heard couples who've been married for longer than I've been alive say that the key to maintaining their marriage has been the fact that they never let the romance die, that they still do those little things to let the other person know they love each other.
I've also heard of couples who don't do any of those "special" things and still manage to make it together for decades. I guess they've had to work on it a little more.
Love should be a verb, not a noun, I know this.
But there's also something about it that makes it so special that everyone on this Earth looks for it. Think about that...everyone. Whether they admit it or not or even realize it or not. Sure, it manifests itself in other ways for some, but it all comes down to one little four-letter word.
I believe in love as a force. I believe that it can transcend time and age and distance. I do believe in soulmates, that there are those people out there meant for us and if we follow His plan, we'll find them. Or they'll find us. Or we'll find each other...however you want to say it.
It may be an old-school thought process, but I've seen it first-hand with Ryan and Holly (even if he doesn't believe in souls). I knew from very early on with them that they were getting married. God knows when and where and how and the other W's in the equation. I guess it's just up to us to trust Him and let the love -- with or without romance -- flow freely.
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