So, I'd told myself that once I actually got a chance to write, that I'd make sure it was worth it. I'd planned to talk about how much has changed in these last three months since I've moved from suburban L.A. to suburban Chicago.
So, of course, once that moment arrives, allowing me to spew eloquence, to flow forth with nothing but text gold...I come up with nothing. Nada.
One thin I do have going for me is that work is starting to feel less and less foreign, which is good. I've always been a quick learner, but for whatever reason it's felt so sloooooow this time. I don't know, maybe I'm just expecting too much out of myself, not cutting myself any slack. All I know is that it feels good to be getting things down.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Trying To Outrun Bachelor Time
It seems my whole life these days have been full of new beginnings…new job, new apartment, new state, new friends, new joys, new frustrations and new independence. I guess it’s a fitting time for me to be transitioning into all these new things since my 27th birthday is now less than a week away.
It’s a crazy number, this 27. Once I met 26, the idea of the next one wasn’t too exciting for me. I used to sweat being in my mid-20s, but now that those days are, well, days away from being over, I can’t help but wonder if there’s some sort of intermediate numerology that would prevent me from sliding into the late category. Is there a price I can pay, some sort of bribe that would suffice?
Pretty sure the answer to that is no.
Ah, damnit.
So in the meantime, while I find out ways to deal with the fact that my hair is starting to thin just like I knew it would and how I found a white hair sticking straight out of my beard and how my body has begun a revolt against me working out every day when it had no problem with it just a few months ago, the clock keeps ticking.
Stupid time, it never wants to stop for anything…not even my neuroses.
It’s a crazy number, this 27. Once I met 26, the idea of the next one wasn’t too exciting for me. I used to sweat being in my mid-20s, but now that those days are, well, days away from being over, I can’t help but wonder if there’s some sort of intermediate numerology that would prevent me from sliding into the late category. Is there a price I can pay, some sort of bribe that would suffice?
Pretty sure the answer to that is no.
Ah, damnit.
So in the meantime, while I find out ways to deal with the fact that my hair is starting to thin just like I knew it would and how I found a white hair sticking straight out of my beard and how my body has begun a revolt against me working out every day when it had no problem with it just a few months ago, the clock keeps ticking.
Stupid time, it never wants to stop for anything…not even my neuroses.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Quickie
Ok, so I don't have much time, but an update is very very necessary. Here, in list form, is the update:
1. Got a job.
2. Moved to Chicagoland area, Aurora specifically.
3. The drive took 5 days. I trailed a pretty nasty storm the whole way and was able to hang out with some family and friends whom I haven't seen in way too long.
4. Truck held up very well and got through everything like a champ.
5. Making new friends while missing old ones.
1. Got a job.
2. Moved to Chicagoland area, Aurora specifically.
3. The drive took 5 days. I trailed a pretty nasty storm the whole way and was able to hang out with some family and friends whom I haven't seen in way too long.
4. Truck held up very well and got through everything like a champ.
5. Making new friends while missing old ones.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
To You
Lately, I've been pretty emotionally neutral. Actually, scratch that; I've been leaning jaded. I read about people being in love or see people trying to flirt with each other or hear a "heartwarming" moment on t.v. and remain unaffected. If anything, I smirk and think about how hollow those words probably are. You gotta be kidding me.
It's crazy, I know, because I always used to be so into these kinds of things...I was that guy who loved the sappiness, the expressing myself, the "putting myself out there." Now, after a year of hardness and tumult, I try to think about some things that I used to love and get zero emotional response. I feel nothing...until I think about you.
From the day we met, to every single time you cross my mind, a surge of nerves that I've long since stopped trying to control runs through me. Looking into those wonderous jewels of yours that we humans have named eyes, I forget my name and anything else that could have mattered that day. My tongue goes limp. Jaded is the antonym. You affect me in ways I can't quantify.
Months ago, after nights of you running through my mind more than Bernard Lagat, I made a promise to God that if we ever wound up in the same area for any kind of extended period of time, I wouldn't miss my opportunity again. I'm leaving it in His hands. That's always been my best mode of getting things done.
I won't push. I've brought it up before, so we both know long distance really isn't a viable option, though part of me now regrets having made that a rule of mine. My mentor once told me that He answers prayers in providing opportunity. If I get another, I'm taking advantage.
It's crazy, I know, because I always used to be so into these kinds of things...I was that guy who loved the sappiness, the expressing myself, the "putting myself out there." Now, after a year of hardness and tumult, I try to think about some things that I used to love and get zero emotional response. I feel nothing...until I think about you.
From the day we met, to every single time you cross my mind, a surge of nerves that I've long since stopped trying to control runs through me. Looking into those wonderous jewels of yours that we humans have named eyes, I forget my name and anything else that could have mattered that day. My tongue goes limp. Jaded is the antonym. You affect me in ways I can't quantify.
Months ago, after nights of you running through my mind more than Bernard Lagat, I made a promise to God that if we ever wound up in the same area for any kind of extended period of time, I wouldn't miss my opportunity again. I'm leaving it in His hands. That's always been my best mode of getting things done.
I won't push. I've brought it up before, so we both know long distance really isn't a viable option, though part of me now regrets having made that a rule of mine. My mentor once told me that He answers prayers in providing opportunity. If I get another, I'm taking advantage.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Nervous? Me? Never!
So, this whole "changing-very-large-parts-of-your-life-by-moving-across-the-country" thing is very involved and would not be possible if not for some amazingly generous people. I'll talk more about this later, I'm sure, along with telling the stories of some of the specific things that have been going on. But for now, I'll just get the important stuff out of the way: I have an apartment that seems pretty stinking nice, even if it is "cozy;" I now have a specific leave date (Wednesday, March 11) and that is because...I bought my tickets today!
Since I got the job, it hasn't really felt real to me that I'm leaving relatively soon. I wondered aloud why that was and thought to myself that it probably wouldn't hit me until I actually set a date and got the tickets to reflect my actual moving. And, boy howdy, was I right because as I looked through the Chicago Transit Authority Web site, a heat ran through me like I only experience before I'm to speak publicly.
But this is how it always is for me and new places...I get excited, then nervous, then really nervous and then, once I get there, I'm fine. It was like that when I went to Kansas City on my own, then again in Denver, although not quite as bad. Funny thing is, when I went to Chicago the first time, I didn't get nervous once. Today? A large bit of anxious energy. Hopefully it goes away. I doubt it, though. After thinking about it for days, I'm actually going to have to start packing soon. Still not sure if I'm taking my desk or not. I think it's gonna have to be a game-time decision.
Since I got the job, it hasn't really felt real to me that I'm leaving relatively soon. I wondered aloud why that was and thought to myself that it probably wouldn't hit me until I actually set a date and got the tickets to reflect my actual moving. And, boy howdy, was I right because as I looked through the Chicago Transit Authority Web site, a heat ran through me like I only experience before I'm to speak publicly.
But this is how it always is for me and new places...I get excited, then nervous, then really nervous and then, once I get there, I'm fine. It was like that when I went to Kansas City on my own, then again in Denver, although not quite as bad. Funny thing is, when I went to Chicago the first time, I didn't get nervous once. Today? A large bit of anxious energy. Hopefully it goes away. I doubt it, though. After thinking about it for days, I'm actually going to have to start packing soon. Still not sure if I'm taking my desk or not. I think it's gonna have to be a game-time decision.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Turning The Page
I can still remember everything that happened that day.
After months of feeling overworked and underappreciated and having that intensify exponentially on a daily basis for the last two weeks, I needed to get away. So I decided on Monday to visit a friend of mine the next day to take advantage of my second day off that week and also as a good excuse to take a long drive where I could be alone with my thoughts. Cell phone off.
I left for Santa Barbara, some 2.5 hours away from my home, met up with Alicia for some California Pizza Kitchen and talking about life. Everything seemed so stagnant on March 2, 2008. The job I thought was perfect for me went to someone else some time around when the crystal ball dropped and I was ill-equipped to deal with how not getting it would affect me. It's ironic looking back on things and remembering how badly I felt. I had no clue what was to come.
Following lunch, I went to the pier and just walked around with my iPod blaring, not making eye contact with many people. I found a bench on the side of a novelty store and sat down, making sure not to go near all the bird droppings. As I watched two seagulls fight over a fairly large piece of pretzel, a man parked his boat and climbed up the side of one of the beams. I sat there for another hour, just listening to music, thinking about the future of which I knew little and wishing the tension in my chest would vanish.
That night before I went to sleep, I prayed that I didn't feel that way anymore.
The next day, I awoke to a phone call.
Hey Sean, it's Grace.
Hey Grace, how ya doin?
I'm...OK. We need you to come in as soon as possible.
At that moment, I knew what was up. The newspaper chain had been laying people off left and right, but it was at some of our sister papers. Apparently the wave had hit us, sweeping me away with the undercurrent.
With that (and three weeks' severance pay) I was a member of the jobless...before that became a sign of the times. It'd be difficult to find another job, sure -- especially in the newpaper business -- but I felt relieved to not be working where I had been. For months my spidey senses had been twitching with every open job posting. Well after operating with a nice, comfy safety net, now I'd have to tightrope across the chasm with nothing but my resume and cover letter with which to balance.
Applications went out again and again and again and again and again and again and the lack of early success like I'd predicted started getting to me. I pressed on and eventually came upon what looked like a great possibility (not to mention the view). But at the end of the day, I chose my conscience over employment. I just couldn't do it. I'd be lying if I said there were times since then -- it was late May, after all, that this happened -- that I didn't second-guess my decision, but I just couldn't do it. I just didn't feel like giving up my soul for the riches of the world. Unfortunately for me, things got a little tougher after that and I voiced the difficulties quite a few different times.
That last one, which simply states, "Let this be the one," wound up being prophetic. Turns out, it was the one. I got a call today offering me a job. I accepted without hesitation, fully embracing all that it means for my future: a new zip code, a new county, a new state, a new time zone.
As one chapter ends, nearly a full year after it began, so starts a new one.
Praise be to God.
After months of feeling overworked and underappreciated and having that intensify exponentially on a daily basis for the last two weeks, I needed to get away. So I decided on Monday to visit a friend of mine the next day to take advantage of my second day off that week and also as a good excuse to take a long drive where I could be alone with my thoughts. Cell phone off.
I left for Santa Barbara, some 2.5 hours away from my home, met up with Alicia for some California Pizza Kitchen and talking about life. Everything seemed so stagnant on March 2, 2008. The job I thought was perfect for me went to someone else some time around when the crystal ball dropped and I was ill-equipped to deal with how not getting it would affect me. It's ironic looking back on things and remembering how badly I felt. I had no clue what was to come.
Following lunch, I went to the pier and just walked around with my iPod blaring, not making eye contact with many people. I found a bench on the side of a novelty store and sat down, making sure not to go near all the bird droppings. As I watched two seagulls fight over a fairly large piece of pretzel, a man parked his boat and climbed up the side of one of the beams. I sat there for another hour, just listening to music, thinking about the future of which I knew little and wishing the tension in my chest would vanish.
That night before I went to sleep, I prayed that I didn't feel that way anymore.
The next day, I awoke to a phone call.
Hey Sean, it's Grace.
Hey Grace, how ya doin?
I'm...OK. We need you to come in as soon as possible.
At that moment, I knew what was up. The newspaper chain had been laying people off left and right, but it was at some of our sister papers. Apparently the wave had hit us, sweeping me away with the undercurrent.
With that (and three weeks' severance pay) I was a member of the jobless...before that became a sign of the times. It'd be difficult to find another job, sure -- especially in the newpaper business -- but I felt relieved to not be working where I had been. For months my spidey senses had been twitching with every open job posting. Well after operating with a nice, comfy safety net, now I'd have to tightrope across the chasm with nothing but my resume and cover letter with which to balance.
Applications went out again and again and again and again and again and again and the lack of early success like I'd predicted started getting to me. I pressed on and eventually came upon what looked like a great possibility (not to mention the view). But at the end of the day, I chose my conscience over employment. I just couldn't do it. I'd be lying if I said there were times since then -- it was late May, after all, that this happened -- that I didn't second-guess my decision, but I just couldn't do it. I just didn't feel like giving up my soul for the riches of the world. Unfortunately for me, things got a little tougher after that and I voiced the difficulties quite a few different times.
That last one, which simply states, "Let this be the one," wound up being prophetic. Turns out, it was the one. I got a call today offering me a job. I accepted without hesitation, fully embracing all that it means for my future: a new zip code, a new county, a new state, a new time zone.
As one chapter ends, nearly a full year after it began, so starts a new one.
Praise be to God.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I'd Just Like To Say
How stinking right was I about the Super Bowl!?
FINALLY!
Vindication feels good, it really does.
I'd just like to thank Ben Roethlisberger for scrambling like I thought he would and Santonio Holmes for coming up clutch (four different times!) and giving the Steelers the win.
That is all, thank you.
FINALLY!
Vindication feels good, it really does.
I'd just like to thank Ben Roethlisberger for scrambling like I thought he would and Santonio Holmes for coming up clutch (four different times!) and giving the Steelers the win.
That is all, thank you.
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