Lately, I've been pretty emotionally neutral. Actually, scratch that; I've been leaning jaded. I read about people being in love or see people trying to flirt with each other or hear a "heartwarming" moment on t.v. and remain unaffected. If anything, I smirk and think about how hollow those words probably are. You gotta be kidding me.
It's crazy, I know, because I always used to be so into these kinds of things...I was that guy who loved the sappiness, the expressing myself, the "putting myself out there." Now, after a year of hardness and tumult, I try to think about some things that I used to love and get zero emotional response. I feel nothing...until I think about you.
From the day we met, to every single time you cross my mind, a surge of nerves that I've long since stopped trying to control runs through me. Looking into those wonderous jewels of yours that we humans have named eyes, I forget my name and anything else that could have mattered that day. My tongue goes limp. Jaded is the antonym. You affect me in ways I can't quantify.
Months ago, after nights of you running through my mind more than Bernard Lagat, I made a promise to God that if we ever wound up in the same area for any kind of extended period of time, I wouldn't miss my opportunity again. I'm leaving it in His hands. That's always been my best mode of getting things done.
I won't push. I've brought it up before, so we both know long distance really isn't a viable option, though part of me now regrets having made that a rule of mine. My mentor once told me that He answers prayers in providing opportunity. If I get another, I'm taking advantage.
